Rethinking Exercise: When movement feels like a punishment and how to change that.

“I’m enjoying this,” 
she said
as we continued doing seated stretches.

I could see it.
She was starting to feel relief with movement. 
Joy with releasing the tightness in her neck. 
Then, she paused.
“Can I share something with you?”
“Of course” I said.

“My brain just said,
“What is this accomplishing? 
You’re not even sweating?”

My face softened.

“Wow,” I said.
“That’s an incredible noticing.”
Let’s sit with that for a moment.
Hear the tone of it.
Is it safety?
Kindness?
Compassion?

“No, she said.” 
And I gently reflected back:

“It’s interesting that you just said,
‘I’m enjoying this,’ almost with surprise.
And then the very next thought was,
‘What is this even doing?’
“It’s like your brain felt pleasure…
And immediately went searching for a way to make it suspect.”

She paused. 
“Oh wow. Yeah.”
Then she said something that made everything make sense:
“My history with exercise has always been associated with punishment.”

Of course it has.
When we’ve walked the same mental path long enough, it becomes a trail.
Walk it even longer, and it feels paved.
Cemented. 
So of course it feels unfamiliar
Of course ease feels unproductive.
Of course NOT SWEATING feels ‘wrong’

I offered this:
Maybe those punishment pathways feel cemented.
And maybe compassion and curiosity are the only tools strong enough 
to chip away at it.
Not with a jackhammer, 
but with small chisels.

Each session, we will tap gently at that road.
We will make tiny cracks…
little potholes in the old narrative.

AND at the SAME time, 
we will staring walking a different path
One lined with trees and relief, 
flowers and self-reflection

Over time, the old road will become…bumpier.
Less automatic
And the new road?
Will become more inviting.

But, my hope- 
is that if you do find yourself on the bumpy road every once in a while
You’ll have the tools to navigate it without blowin’ a tire.

When I finished, she smiled.
“This excited me,” she said.

And that was the end of our first session together.